My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
