you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
