we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
