Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
