Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
