YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
