My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
