I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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