i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
