I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
