My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
