We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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