New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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