it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The Olympian is in my bed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
