How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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