so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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