If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
