he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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