Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
