If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
