I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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