New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there's paper in my vomit.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
