I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
