forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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