I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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