I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
