Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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