sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
