my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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