LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
