we have officially lost it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
