I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
