im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
