Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
