Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So vagazzling was a success
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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