Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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