she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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