dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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