So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My breasts were aching with rage.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
