Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
