In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
