the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
