just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
