Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
