remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
