I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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