im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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