can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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