I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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