if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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