we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you never un-have a 4some
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
