also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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