i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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