The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
