Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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