Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
