dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one