I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.