So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?