dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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