I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today