That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
