Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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