She's JV to your varsity
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
