I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
even my farts smell like vagina
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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