Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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